


find you, keep you

by andybrnards



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: BPD Newt, Lab Sex, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-13 00:31:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9097600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andybrnards/pseuds/andybrnards
Summary: When they closed the breach there was a moment, just a moment, where Newt lets the dread he’s feeling flash across his face.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fumeux](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fumeux/gifts).



> this was done for a secret santa thing. happy holidays to you, aj

 

When they closed the breach there was a moment, just a moment, where Newt lets the dread he’s feeling flash across his face. If someone looked at him at that moment, they would see eyebrows furrowed, deep creases present in his face, and a tight frown; and then it was gone as fast as it came. His grin big and bright enough to light the room, and bigger still when Hermann pulls him close, a brief moment passes between them where they’re close, close, close and Newt feels his world ending.

Newt’s touch starved. Absolutely always needing the feel of something against him of needing something inside him. His chest tightens and he feels his breathing hitch and the two separate, pulled along to opposite ends of the room, to opposite groups of happy sappy people. Newt is disgustingly touch starved and just needing something anything right now.

But. But. But the breach was closed. It was over. All of it. All of it?

Newt doesn’t expect the moment of happiness and joy to last long. Sure, there’s always plenty of good moments in the shatterdome, but generally there’s always something else. A kaiju to worry about, pilots to train, jaegers to fix up. He’s not a pessimist, he thinks. Just realistic. How long can this happiness last?

Slightly longer than Newt anticipated; long enough to get Mako and Raleigh back and checked by medical, long enough to make himself a nice stiff drink and sit back and watch the mood start to fade.

He didn’t want it to fade. But, come on. He knew it was going to happen. He felt it the second the breach closed. He knew everyone else would feel it, at least in some form, too.

He watches his shatterdome family, in hushed voices, tight and restrained, start planning funerals and even more others calling out orders to start collecting the broken scraps of metal floating in the sea. Before he could even finish his drink, people were back to tight smiles, the unease in the room almost as palpable as the overwhelming joy.

And Newt? He’d had enough of that, thanks.

“Hermann! Hermann! Hermann!,” his voice too loud and he knows it. Too loud and too grating and Hermann looks up at him from across the room, scowling. Newt walks on over, big strides, feigning confidence, his steps too heavy his stride too long, and he grins huge and wide, “Dude. Hermann. Can you believe this?”

Hermann raises an eyebrow, “Newton, please.” Exasperated. Sad. Tired. But also something else?

There's a pit in Newt's throat, he can't swallow he almost can't breathe. His head is reeling and he kind of wants to die. Kind of wants to die, kind of wants to get the Fuck out, get the fuck away from everyone.  
  
And so he does. He's not drunk, he wishes he _was_ drunk, but he’s definitely not drunk after one measly drink, and he definitely can't handle _this_ sober. Whatever this is, whatever's happening, he can't handle any of it. The celebrations, the tight lipped murmurings of funerals and commendations. The smell of burning metal and kaiju blue and saltwater and pain surrounding Raleigh and Mako. The tears that were being shed and the tears that were kept within. The fucking dog wandering around the room, sniffing at legs, lost. That fucking dog.  
  
No fucking thanks. He's out and gone and heading straight for the only place that's felt like home inside this shatterdome in so long. Where he can be as quiet and loud and alone and lonely as he wants to be. Where he can clutch at his fucking chest and try to pull out his own heart - take it apart, string up his coronal arteries light Christmas lights, play around inside of the small beating organ until it stops hurting, until he stops feeling so crushed.

_why is he crushed why does it hurt why why why_

  
In the lab he's already blasting music as loud as it will go, not quite loud enough to melt his face off but maybe loud enough to drown out his thoughts. Just standing in the lab, the heavy metal playing but he can still hear the tac tac tac of Hermann' chalk against the board and the clacking of his stupid shoes and cane and he can hear Hermann telling him to lower his racket his awful noise and Newt's head is spinning.  
  
It’s not like Hermann’s dead. Hermann's absolutely not fucking dead but this. _This_ _is_. This whole thing is dead, done, over. He and Hermann would go home back to opposite ends of the world back to reality. After all this time together after everything. The world was fucking saved but Newt is seconds from puking.  
  
He hated Hermann. Hated his stupid smug face his stupid obsession with numbers and data and not even being able to fucking appreciate anything Newt did and worked so hard to do. He hated Hermann since the day they met, he hated him so much.  
  
Except that's not true anymore. He did hate him. But that stopped. Hermann had filed complaint after complaint to the shatterdome's HR about him. Harassment. General annoyance. But it slowed down until it came to a grinding sudden stop. It stopped and Newt was no longer something unwanted and annoying.  
  
Newt's hands are behind his head and he's looking up at the ceiling, avoiding the chalkboard, avoiding their work stations, avoiding avoiding. His breathing is shaky and uneven and he's seconds from screaming when the clack clack clack of Hermanns dumb shoes cut through the screaming throbbing bassline coming from newt's radio.  
  
"Newton," Hermann lowers the music down to practically a whisper and stares expectantly at Newt and all Newt can do is tear his eyes away from the ceiling, bring his hands down to his sides and smirk. His eyes are red and bloodshot and his teeth are clenched tight and before he can even come up with some kind of half smart ass remark, Hermann has wedged his way into a half-assed attempt at a hug.  
  
"Hermann..." Newts voice is too loud, too rough, too easily broken and he wraps his arms around the slender man, their foreheads pressed against each other's. Hermann's eyes are shut tight, crinkles so big Newt wants to live in them.  
  
Newt thinks they stand there for hours, it's the quietest and stillest Newt has ever stayed in his life but he does it for Hermann. He knows Hermann needs this. Needs this silent tangible moment between them needs to know it's real, it was real, it will be real. Newt knows Hermann needs this and he would do anything for Hermann.  
  
When Hermann's eyes open and Newt knows the moments over, knows that soon this will all be over, he pulls away from Hermann and grits his teeth, "I need you to fuck me, Hermann. I just. I need this right now."  
  
Hermann takes a while to react and Newt thinks his voice was too fast, too loud again as it always is, too much too, much like he always is. But then Hermann closes the gap between them again and pulls Newt into a kiss.

Newt may not be good at much, (okay, that’s a lie. he’s good at everything.) but he like to think he’s exceptionally good at taking Hermann’s dick.

His workstation is immediately cleared as he leans back against it, pushing everything away, squirming himself out of his belt and shoving his pants down. He needs this, he needs this.

Hermann undoes Newt’s tie, slowly and deliberately undoes the buttons on his shirt, leaning down into the crook of Newt’ neck to press gentle kisses. Newt groaned impatiently, and used a hand to push Hermann’s head further into his skin. He wanted to be bitten, and so he got it. Newt could feel Hermann’s teeth sinking into him, and he moaned, his cock twitching, aching.

Normally, Newt would love to be teased, to have Hermann spend as long as possible biting and kissing and licking and sucking but right now he’s impatient and needy and he needs to be fucked.

“Please, Hermann,” Newt gasps, wiggling his lower half, lifting his pelvis slightly.

And Hermann obliged, as Newt knew he would. As he always had.

He’s completely naked, squirming and panting and he just watches Hermann, fully clothed, coating his fingers in the lube that they had taken to keeping hidden in the lab. Hermann is slow and deliberate, as he presses his first finger inside Newt, eliciting a mewl that always makes Newt kind of want to die from embarrassment. Hermann is so, so slow, pumping his long spindly finger in and out before adding another, and another.

Newt wants to put a hand around his cock but he doesn’t, he doesn’t. He wants Hermann’s hand around it, Hermann’s mouth on his, Hermann’s cock in his ass. And he’d get that. Eventually.

Hermann does everything slowly and deliberately, everything has meaning and is done after careful consideration and Newt loves it and hates it. Hermann’s finger’s leave Newt and he wants to cry, wants to grind into something wants something inside of him now, now, now. But Hermann is slow at undoing his pants, slow at pulling down his underwear, slow at slicking up his cock.

He presses his thick cock into Newt, and Newt can see stars. His thrusts are slow, so achingly slow that Newt wants to cry.

Newt knows that Hermann loves this, loves fucking him slowly and watching Newt’s face, watching as Newt comes undone.

Hermann is soft, slow, gentle, tender. Everything Newt isn’t and everything Newt needs.

Hermann’s long thin fingers wrap themselves around Newt’s cock, slow gentle strokes to match his slow gentle fucking. He brings his face down close to Newt’s, and Newt’s aching and so close and he just wants to feel Hermann’s lips against his own. But Hermann presses his lips against Newt’s forehead.

“ _Du bist die Liebe meines Lebens_ ,” he murmurs, and that’s all it takes.

Newt comes with a sharp cry, and he’s biting back tears. It doesn’t take much longer for Hermann to come himself, continuing his soft, languid thrusts into Newt until he does.

The two clean up and get dressed in silence, tiptoeing around a conversation that Newt is dying to have. The words sitting like lumps at the pit of his throat.  And so, once he think’s Hermann’s gotten enough of his need for quiet, he blurts it out. As eloquently as possible, of course.

“Did you, uh, did you mean that?”

Hermann looks away, looks at his chalkboard, seemingly pretending to study his own work. The tips of his ears are pink and he nods.

And Newt’s back to (almost) normal, loud. loud, loud laughing and self-depreciation, “You like me! Haha, gross, dude!”

Hermann’s eyes practically roll into the back of his head.

“You’re an annoyance that I’ve simply grown accustomed to having around. Don’t think too much of it,” Hermann’s pink pink ears look so warm and so bright and completely telling of the truth.

“Right, okay,” Newt’s all smiles, big grins, bare teeth and his chest feels warm and tight, so tight. Good tight. Like a hug Newt never wants to be let go of.

“I know our time here is coming to a close, Newton. And, I was originally coming here to offer you a choice. Of, well, er, coming back home. With me,” Hermann looks like he’s in pain saying this, his voice straining, as if years of hating Newt are haunting the back of his mind, attempting to knock sense into him before Newt could agree.

“Dude, yes,” Newt says, loud and fast, stumbling over his own words. Getting them out before Hermann could change his mind, getting them out before Newt himself could change his mind.

Hermann’s ears go pink again. His smile small, but soft and warm, that makes Newt’s heart thump loud loud loud in his chest.

Newt’s smile is so wide, his cheeks are bright red and hurting.

“ _Ich will immer mit dir zusammen sein_.”

**Author's Note:**

> * you are the love of my life  
> ** i want to be with you always


End file.
